Insecurities

This week for the Pagan Blog Project I decided to write about insecurities. I have been thinking about this a lot lately so it worked out well that this is "I" week 1.

I think many of us have some major insecurities when it comes to all aspects of life, but for me it is most prevalent in my "witchy" ways. I really realized this a few weeks ago when speaking about my son. You see my son has some amazing abilities. At age 2 he told me I was pregnant before I knew I was pregnant, at the time he told me I was 2 weeks along. At age 4 he predicted his fathers death. And at age 12 he again knew I was pregnant, this time I knew but we hadn't told the other kids yet. These are the major examples of what he has done. While he thinks it is cool that he has done this, he would never admit it and would never work to develop this anymore. He has a fear of what others would think of him. So my husband and I were talking about how nice it would be if he had the confidence to really explore this. It was at this point I had my light bulb moment. I do the same thing as he does. Meaning I deny my intuitions for fear of being "that crazy chick".

There are times when my inner voice is telling me something and I keep it to myself for fear of what people may think. Or during my meditations if I get a message I fear telling anyone.  In fact, just saying here that I get messages during meditation raises my heart rate a bit.

I think many of these insecurities come from 2 main areas.

1) How we are raised.
I was raised to always find the logical explanation for things. I was taught to analyze a situation and find all possible reasons and all possible outcomes. While this is a good practice in some aspects of life, say science class, it actually hinders living life. Recently I had my aura read and was told I have a guide over my shoulder who has a message for me. So I have started to meditate and listen for her. I asked for her name, I heard a whisper say "Sophia". I had a debate with myself for a long time about this. My intuitive self was saying "she told me her name, how lovely", the part of me that is holding on to the beliefs I was taught was saying "you just wanted to hear a name so you created one". In essence I was taught to ignore those inner feelings, those intuitions and ancestral memories.  This makes it difficult to trust myself, even when I know what my authentic self believes.

2) Posers
So often I see people who try to take advantage of others using "psychic" abilities. While I believe that we all have the ability to be psychic and many people have learned how to access this in themselves. I also feel there are many out there who are just trying to make a buck off of people. It is these posers that the majority of society think of when they think about psychics. Now I do not consider myself psychic in the least. However, if I were to tell someone that I get messages from my guide Sophia they may put me in the same category as these posers, or just think I'm nuttier than a squirrel turd. What I don't want is my children to have to feel that everyone thinks their mom is the crazy one.

In fact, I can narrow down where by biggest insecurities took over to one defining moment in my life.

I had been rather vocal about things with a small group of people, one of them being a girl who had been one of my closest friends for about 20 years. She was a like-minded soul so I could talk to her about things. Now I am a big believer in signs. I think sometimes the Divine sends signs to us to help us in making decisions. I had been struggling with a issue in my life and had been seeing a lot of signs pointing me in one direction. So spoke to my friend about all of these signs as I was excited to have seen them. She then called my brother and suggested they do an intervention on me because she believed I was on drugs or drinking excessively. Luckily my brother, while an atheist and doubter of everything, knows me very well and laughed it off.

That event caused me keep a lot to myself. But even more upsetting is it made me begin to question myself. To develop insecurities about what my inner voice tells me. I am trying to get better. I get closer all the time. Now I can say something to certain people, but I still surround it with safety nets.... I told my hubby "I think I maybe have some signs I could possibly be an empath". You see, I strive for the day that I can say "I am an empath" because that is what I feel, what my inner self knows. But even as I type it I think of all those that will question, or try to dismiss or prove me wrong. There are just too many people out there looking to tear others down.

So this is my biggest lesson. To trust myself. To put myself out there for others and for myself. I can not truly connect with the Divine if I can not connect fully with what I believe and who I am. I must fight these insecurities. This blog is my first battle with them, I hope I win.





Thank you for reading. I welcome all comments!!

Heroine... Warioress.. not the drug

This week for the Pagan Blog Project is all about being a Heroine (can include hero here, but hey, I'm a woman so I go with heroine)


Heroines are courageous women who fight for what they believe. They are strong, independent and proud. They are confident and passionate. They are women I admire and look up to. I don't think that you must do something globally relevant to be a heroine. You can be a heroine to one person. Heroines don't do it for the notoriety or thank you's. They do it because it is the right thing to do.

The most important heroine in my life is....... ME! I think the most important person to be a Heroine for is yourself. It has taken me quite sometime to realize this point. I wasn't waiting around for a man to come "rescue" me or playing the damsel in distress or anything (yes I'm doing "that" analogy). Never been that type of girl. But I was waiting around for people to help me find the answers. Or tell me that I was right about something. I needed reassurance and support. And truthfully, I had many people doing those things for me, but I didn't believe them. I thought they were "just being nice". I couldn't trust them and yet felt I needed to hear it over and over. Truth is what I needed was inside of me the whole time (Thanks Glinda!!). I couldn't see that it didn't matter how many people told me, if I couldn't find it in myself then I would never be 'saved'.

I think that we are raised in a society where trusting our intuition is mocked and dismissed. This gets imprinted on the blueprint of our souls locking certain things away in the tower of our mind. We are also in a society where we are taught that helping others is of utmost importance, and that focusing on ourselves is selfish. So we begin to focus on helping others more than ourselves.

And when I say "we" I mean me, I can really only speak about my own blueprint.

Also, from a young age we are taught that if we wait long enough the perfect man will come rescue us from what ever our problem is. That we can not do it ourselves. And while I think that with each generation we are coming out of this cloud of delusion,  many of us have had this put on our blueprint already. And.... many men are finding it difficult to navigate this new blueprint as their blueprints have them believing they are the "fixers" and "rescuers" and hero's for women. This teaching our children to help others is a wonderful lesson, but we must first make sure that they know how to be their own heroines and heros. And then when it comes time to help others, it is not a swoop in and save the day attitude, but a "let me help you help yourself". 

I was so concerned with rescuing others and wanting to have all the right answers for people that I ended up leaving myself in the tower. I realized that the only right answers I have........ are for myself, I just didn't know I needed to ask the questions. But I finally did. And now my heroine has set me free.

So, now what.What happens next? Next I continue to be my own heroine. We never actually stop doing this for ourselves. We are a mischievous lot as humans and continue to lock ourselves away and have to break ourselves out a lot. So I remain a heroine, and a warioress (<---- more on her later).

Remember that while we are taught that heroines and hero's save the world....... how can you save the world if you can't save your self?






Thanks for reading!! I welcome your comments!

Counseling

I suppose this post was inevitable in some ways. For my second C in the Pagan Blog Project I'm going to talk about Counseling. I chose to speak about this partly because I'm working toward a degree in School Counseling.
I always felt like I was meant to be a counselor. Many people throughout my life have always come to me for advice and it was natural to give it. I am a helper by nature. I try not to overstep my bounds and stay neutral in situations. This in itself is a problem though, as sometimes this hinders me from saying what I really think the person needs to hear. Sometimes my being "too nice" is more of a flaw. But that is part of what I am learning in school.
I want to work with children. Young children, preferably elementary school.  I want to work with them before the negative influences and bullying really sink into their foundations. I want to help make a difference. But in addition to this, I also plan to become a Pagan Pastoral Counselor. I feel our community could use a few more of these. I find too often Counselors for other faiths but few for ours. How nice it would have been when family members passed to have someone to talk to that understood my faith. It would be nice to know that when/if I go into the hospital and they ask for your religious preference to be able to say Pagan and know that they would have someone they could call in for me if needed.

 People have been going to elders and wise ones since the beginning of time to get counsel.  I feel sometimes we have lost that. We have become a society of "toddlers"... you know the "I can do it myself" attitude. We need to remember its OK to ask advice. We need to have those in our lives we can get counsel from. That we can depend on.
This need I have for myself is also a need I feel for others. That is why I think it is part of my calling to be service to The Goddess. We have more than enough in our community who will be quick to put you down and tell you what you are doing wrong. I want to be one who, whether I practice the same as you are not, will be there to care and support.





Thank you for reading. I welcome all comments!!

Calling from The Goddess

OK, so I must admit I'm the last one I thought would be writing about this. But for my first C post in the Pagan Blog Project I'm going to write about my calling. Seriously.... What?!?!
Whenever I used to hear people say the heard a "calling" to be a priest or nun or whatever, I thought "dumb". I didn't understand. I mean I always considered myself spiritual but the thought never even crossed my mind that I should dedicate my life to it. And I think I was fairly judgmental since most of those that I normally heard of that had a calling were those annoying "believe what I believe or you will go to Hell" type of evangelicals. I found most people who had felt a calling were very judgmental of others.... so not one to miss a moment of irony.... I judged them.
I don't think it even occurred to me that you could have calling and still live a normal polite life. Then it happened to me.

Truth is, I can't tell you the exact moment (but that may be my crappy memory) that it happened. I think it may have actually happened slowly. But at some point I remember thinking.... "living in service to Goddess? Yep, that's what I'm supposed to do. That is my journey." And once that moment happened I felt a sense of relief. A sense of calm. A sense of Love.

Keep in mind I had already dedicated myself to Her and been a Witch for many years. But when the calling happened I felt Goddess had more for me to do. Do I know what that is? Not really. I know what path I feel compelled to follow and the results I feel drawn to. But we all know that life is ever-changing, and things are not always what they seem. So where this calling takes me unknown. But I'm ready to go and learn.








Thank you for reading. I welcome all comments!

Breathing.... kinda important

So my second B (sorry still catching up) for the Pagan Blog Project is on Breath.
Breathing is the single most important thing we do and yet we don't always use it right. Too often we are just going through our day and do not realize the impact breath has on us. Think about it. Until you started reading this blog you probably weren't thinking of your breath...... but now.... you are noticing the speed and depth of your breath.... you may even feel the need to take a deep breath all of a sudden. Its funny what awareness does.
Ok, so we are aware now, so what?

Well breathing can help with so much in life...... you know besides the whole keep us living thing.
Being aware of our breath can help us relax. By taking longer, slower breaths we can reduce our heart rate and calm our mind. The more mindful we are of our breath, the more mindful we are of our mind, our body, our actions. Breath links everything together.
When I am in pain (I have CRPS - a chronic pain disorder), I breathe. This mindful breathing helps to calm my nerves and reduces the pain. When I'm stressed out in traffic..... or with my kids...... I breathe.
Take a few days and pay attention. Take note of how you are breathing in certain situations. Are you breathing rapid and shallow? Change it up, breathe slow and deep. Did your mood, attitude, behavior, response change? Emotions and feelings are seen in the breath.


Now, lets think of this on a more magical plane. If your behavior, attitude, and responses change in daily life according to the breath, it would stand to reason that the outcome of spells and rituals would also change according to the breath. And lets face it... Breath is Air. Air is thought, communication, teaching. How can we use this to our full advantage if we are not aware of how we are really using it. Many of us use many things to represent Air in spell work..... We may even use our breath...... but are we really constantly being mindful of our breathing? Being mindful of breath clears the mind so that we can work more naturally and receive more benefit.
I believe that if the eyes are the window to the soul then breath is a window to the heart.


Thank you for reading. I welcome all comments!!

Beyond Maiden, Mother, Crone

I just finished listening to a wonderful interview with Dr. Rev. Karen Tate on the Inspiring Women Summit. In the interview she made a statement that really resonated with me. It was about moving beyond Maiden, Mother, Crone. It really got me thinking about how I (and I think others) was viewing the triple aspect. So that is what I want to talk about right now. This PBP post is my first B for Beyond Maiden, Mother, Crone.
For some the question has been raised  about women who choose not to have children. What then of the Mother stage?
As Pagans I think we sometimes get stuck in these three main aspects of Goddess and women (Dr. Rev Tate also speaks about the Queen stage). That these are the three options we have as women. So I am Mother. But I am sooo much more than that.
I am a Mother
I am a Queen
I am a Warrioress

I am a Teacher
I am a Healer
I am a Heroine..... this is going to be my first "H" post, so stay tuned for that!
I think that is the biggest problem with labels. We get so stuck that these are all that there is.
We, as women, are more than just our stage of life. And there are so many more stages than what we think. We try to add as much into each stage as we can. We put certain aspects into the 3 stages, but this is not so easy. A Warrioress can be so at Maiden, Mother or Crone stage.
We need to move beyond Maiden, Mother, Crone and see that while these are the stages of life, the stages of Goddess, this is not the limit. We are only limiting our own feminine power.

Nature is fluid, ever-changing. We must be fluid with it. As we as women regain our power, we need to see beyond what was and add to it. As we welcome each stage of life, we must continue to nurture our power and energy. Allow ourselves to be more.

Thank you for reading. I welcome all comments.

Affirmations - a daily dose of magic

My second A blog will be about affirmations. This is also something that I have been looking at and using more lately. I have found how important affirmations are in my life and how much they have helped. I had been wanting to do daily affirmations for a long time, but never quite understood them. Then I had two amazing experiences that opened my eyes.

The first experience was a class I took called Live your Truth Love your Life. This class was all about finding your authentic self and living your life authentically. In one part of the class we had to identify our 5 biggest fears and then rewrite them as affirmations to put a positive spin on them. For instance, one of my fears is the fear of failure, so my affirmation for this is "I am open to receiving all that is necessary for my success." So when I feel this fear coming on I recite my affirmation. I also use a daily affirmation that encompasses a lot, it is "I am a joyful, fearless, loving soul". These types of affirmations are best when you write them yourself for yourself. You can use affirmations that others have written, but I don't seem to feel the power, and energy from them. Even if I just rewrite one I have found to fit me a little better, the power of it seems to increase!



In addition to these affirmations, I also have begun saying the Affirmation of Women's Spirituality from the Re-Formed Congregation of the Goddess, International. Once I became a member of this organization I found that reading this daily really uplifted me and gave me a feeling of peace and purpose. I consider the affirmations above as small ways to help myself throughout life, while this one is my formal declaration of my spiritual beliefs. Here is the Affirmation from the RCG-I website:

AFFIRMATION OF WOMEN'S SPIRITUALITY

There is one circle of women's energy, and I, (insert your name), am a part of this energy.
It is mine to direct. I wish to direct my energy

TO KNOW:

1. that I can create my own reality and that sending out a positive expectation will bring a positive result.
2. that the energy which I send out returns to me.
3. that there are an infinite number of possibilities for my life.
4. that every situation is an opportunity to practice and develop my craft.
5. that my instincts and intuition can be used to guide me.
6. that my only power is in the present.
7. that the Goddess or life force energy is within me.

TO WILL:

1. that I shall try to never use my energy unwisely or limit the free will of another.
2. that I shall grow in wisdom, strength, knowledge, and understanding.
3. that I shall, as much as I am aware, act in honesty to myself and to others.
4. that I shall never use my energy for what I know to be evil, aggressive or manipulative and shall only use my energy for positive ends.
5. that I shall grow to understand the cyclic, life affirming rhythms of the earth, and always act with love toward Her and all Her plants and creatures.
6. that I shall transform all negative in my environment.

TO DARE:

1. to be myself.
2. to take responsibility for myself and my actions and know that consciously or unconsciously, I have drawn situations to me.
3. to be strong and independent even in the midst of struggle.
4. to accept and understand those whose ethnic or racial background, social or economic class, appearance, or sexual preference are different from my own.
5. to stand firm and committed to women and my spiritual beliefs even in times of isolation, pain, desperation or negativity.

AND TO UNDERSTAND WHEN TO SPEAK AND WHEN TO KEEP SILENCE.
SO MOTE IT BE.

Saying all of these affirmations as my daily devotionals  helps me ground for the day. They help me feel my inner power, my inner Goddess. I feel such a connection to the Divine when I say them aloud and put the energy forward. Affirmations are a part of my daily life. I find that these affirmations are my daily dose of magic.





Thank you for reading. I welcome all comments!!

Amulets

Blessings all! Because I started with the PBP late I thought I would go back and catch up with the weeks I missed.
So here is my first A post.

I decided to write about amulets, mostly because I have recently joined the Re-Formed Congregation of the Goddess, International, (RCG,-I), as well as registering for the Women’s Thealogical Institute (WTI is a spiritual education program through RCGI). 

After joining this group I began wearing my Triple Crescent Amulet constantly. The triple crescent is the symbol of the Congregation. It represents the three phases of the Goddess; Maiden, Mother and Crone bonded together in a circle as a reminder that we are all one. Wearing the triple crescent is a good way to proclaim your association and it is one of the ways Congregation members recognize each other. (rcgi.org).

When it comes to amulets I believe their power and associations depend on what each individual puts into them. Life is about perspective. For instance, one person may see the infinity symbol as a sign of love, others may see it as a sign of dualism.  Neither is wrong. Amulets can also hold many meanings to one person. To some my triple crescent may be the "biohazard" symbol, to others it may be worn to ward off evil and see it as a protective and lunar charm.

I wear my amulet all the time. Here is what it represents to me: 

Birth, Life and Death.

The maiden, mother and crone.

The three Celtic realms of earth, sea and sky.

Compassion, reason, and discipline

Mind, body, and soul

Faith, Hope and Love.

Above, below, and within

Past, present, and future

 

 Thank you for reading! I welcome all comments!

Healing as a Lightworker

First week of H for the Pagan Blog Project so I will be talking about Healing. I also include Helping in there as I have the same thoughts on both (I'm too lazy this morning and don't feel like typing both words throughout this blog so Healing will mean both).

I took a wonderful course a few months back called Live your Truth Love your Life, and in that course a question was posed asking "who are you". Simple enough right? Well she followed this up by saying not to label yourself by your associations with others. Damn it! This is exactly how I was always answering this question.... "I'm a wife, mother.." The more I thought about it I realized I had been doing this my whole life.... "I'm Linda's daughter... I'm Cody's sister". So I had to really think about this and figure out who I am.

No need to tangent off and tell you everything I learned with that, but one of my soul searched answers was that I am a Healer. Now for me this is a proud label to have, however sometimes it can make others squeamish. Part of the problem I have found is that (especially for older folk) saying you are a "Healer" automatically conjures images for them of some 1960's Hippie whoo whoo (<=== total scientific term) cult leader of some sort. The younger crowd always has had some sort of experience with a "healer" who, while working with them, requested everyone be naked, or in some other way completely freaked them out.

*Tangent ~ being a Witch, Healer, Reiki Master, Massage Therapist all seem to have the same problem for me. There are so many people out there who also label themselves as such but act in such inappropriate or outlandish ways, that I feel I must always explain myself, my thoughts, my ideals, my beliefs to people. I always end up with a lengthy conversation defending the majority of that part of myself.... "No Witches do not sacrifice cats and I do NOT like the smell of burning flesh!" (this was actually how I first came out of the broom closet, when a young girl in a school I was attending was telling everyone she was a witch and loved the smell of burning cats.... I had to come out to defend). ...... "No, neither one of us need to be naked for this healing to work"........ "sorry, as a massage therapist I only work on soft tissue, there are other professions that do what you are requesting" (FYI many times when labeling a massage therapist is a body worker...... a masseuse is a sex worker). ~ End tangent *

So back to healing. I believe I was born a Healer. I have a sensitivity to others and feel a need to help. This explains why I am a Reiki master, Massage Therapist, working toward a Masters in school counseling, working toward Priestess training, working toward becoming a Pagan Pastoral Counselor. (I'm also apparently a professional student).




But it took me years to realize that healing is more of an awakening. As a healer, I am not there to work miracles and "fix" (<--- will digress from a tangent but HATE this word when used about people!!). Any healing that takes place is purely the act of the person being healed, I am just there as a conduit or a reminder to the persons body on how to heal itself. Sometimes I work with others to raise even more energy. And sometimes the energy from others is brought into me and I take on the emotions of the other person. This makes me over sensitive and emotional.

Healing is not just about making the person better in some way, it is about making the person (conscience or not) aware of what needs to be healed and how to do it their selves. I work with the whole of the person.... mind and body working together. Healing is about taping into the ancestral memories, reminding the body on how to be in stasis.

Healing is about energy. And while the energy is powerful it is not without limits. I never dismiss medical care for anyone. I am not a doctor, I do not understand disease, I only understand energy. While I may encourage someone to look at all options, I always stand firm in my scope of practice. And even if I think that energy work is all that is needed (for instance I had two children naturally using nothing but Reiki for pain management and had wonderful births with little pain), I would NEVER tell anyone they should do what I did. I would also not completely dismiss what the doctor was saying. I use critical thinking in my own life, and THAT is what I encourage others to do. And I also remember that in the end it all really up to the Fates.

I am NOT a miracle worker. I AM a Lightworker.


Thank you for spending time with me. I welcome all comments!

Getting Grounded

OK, I am totally running late this week. We were out of town all of last week so I'm just now getting to my second G for the Pagan Blog Project. Here it goes. This week, G is for Grounding.

When I think of grounding I think of connecting myself to the earth. Rooting myself in so that I do do not absorb any energy that I do not want, it will flow right through me to the earth. I ground so that I have a deeper connection with the earth. I ground so that I do not take on other peoples emotions, or energy. I first started grounding years ago when I began doing Reiki, and was happy to know how, once I started massage school, as I seemed to pull in peoples emotions rather quickly. I admit I have slacked on this practice in daily life. I do not ground as much as I should. I seem to only do it when doing Reiki, massage or meditation. I feel the need to do it more.

All of that being said, I think grounding is bigger than just a quick rooting to the earth for the reasons I gave above. I also think what I am about to say next is why I have not been grounding myself as often as I need. You see I feel that all land has energy. If you ever speak to someone who has lived in Hawaii they will tell you that the islands will either love and accept you, or make life miserable for you until you move. I think all land is like this. I feel it here where I live now. The earth here does not accept me. I feel like a visitor here. it does not feel like home, even though we have lived here for more than 6 years.

As I said earlier, we were gone for a week. We were looking at houses in a new state. I think that time spent in Washington really opened my eyes to the point I am making here. While I have always believed what I am saying about the land, our trip really hit the point home. You see while we were there, it felt like home. We forgot we were not at home. It didn't feel like a vacation or a trip. The land accepted us. I felt grounded..... rooted. The spirits of the land there were inviting and loving. The entire energy was different and wonderful.

So for me, I believe that grounding is more than just a quick rooting to the earth for meditation or spell work. It is about how we are always rooted to the land. About how we are connected with the earth all the time. If we do not feel the connection or rooted to the land then we are out of balance, our energy is not focused. We must be some where that we feel calm and at peace, this is a type of permanent grounding. Then when we ground for energy work or other things, we will have a more secure grip and our roots will go deeper and be stronger.

Thank you for reading, I welcome all comments!