"Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men."
- Neil Gaiman

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Stand Still.....Look Pretty

Been busy baking a bun in the oven so haven't really been blogging a lot. But I saw an article today that was about the 5 things not to say to a woman in labor. All of the things on the list were a little obvious such as don't say "so when do you want another one", it can't hurt that much"....and other death wish statements. This provoked me to share my birth plan with everyone (don't worry, this will contain any TMI).

Stand still.....look pretty......this is my birth plan. No joke, this is what I told the hospital and my family who will be in the room with me. Basically everyone's job (except me of course) is to stand still and look pretty. Do not ask me questions (ie. do you want ice chips? how about a washcloth?) or touch me, or count while I am breathing (unless I am hyperventilating). I'm a big girl, if I want something I will ask you for it, if I want a massage I will ask you for it, and I know how to breath and can count all by my big girl self. When I ask for something just smile and do it.....quickly. They have all been informed that if they do not follow this plan I am not responsible for my reaction, and they are then not allowed to hold that reaction against me.

Going back to the article I spoke about I would like to add some other specific statements to the list of things not to say (please add your own in the comments section if you choose).
Please do not say (before, during or after my labor)....
"So is this your last?".....yes I'm older I get it. I have 2 preteens already and will now have an infant, but I am not ancient and just because we are so used to 16 year olds having children now does not mean that I am some old spinster that should retire my womb. Not to mention it makes me want to have another one just to prove y'all wrong!

"Calm down, it's almost over"..... You have no idea how long this will last and neither do I. And even if it only takes 3 more minutes...those are the absolute longest 3 minutes in the history of the world! I don't even think I need to speak about why its wrong to EVER tell a woman to "calm down", as this should be explained by fathers everywhere to their boys at the onset of puberty.
"You still look pretty good...considering".....considering what? the fact that I'm pushing your watermelon sized child out a hole the size of a grape?
"Hey, on the bright side you will be losing about 14 pounds in the next few hours".......... It is never OK to talk about weight loss with a woman, and definitely not when her hormones are going for a roller coaster ride.

"The woman in the next room is not as loud as you" or "the woman in the next room is screaming really loud , do you hear her. Oh my God are you scared?"......I don't care what the woman in the next room is doing.

"My mom said that when she gave birth it was really easy with no drugs and she was back to doing all her normal activities the next day." ........ Never ever compare your woman to your mother....its rude, wrong and well.... a little creepy.

I think, in short, the point is..... Stand still.....look pretty.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Stand up Speak up!! 30 Days of Advocacy against Witch-hunts

 Keeping with the 30 Days of Advocacy against Witch-hunts...

In South Africa, 34 people became victims of witchcraft accusation in 2010. The South African Human Rights Commission has to date failed to publicly condemn the ongoing trend of witch‐hunts nationally.  ~ Pagan Rights Alliance

As I continue to do what I can to bring awareness to what is happening in South Africa, I find more and more about what is going on close to home. Many people do not get involved in these issues because it is not their Faith, it does not affect them, it is too far away to make an impact, etc. However I truly believe knowledge is power. With education about what is happening we can fight and change what is wrong in the world.
Many may even say that this would not happen in society closer to home. This all reminds me of the following quote:

But variations of it do still happen in areas other than South Africa. In fact, as recently as this year the Vatican has published a pamphlet Wicca and Witchcraft: Understanding the Dangers. This is a "how to" on converting the pagans back to Christ. And while many may not see much wrong with this, it is just a less violent way to condemn and ostracize what they do not understand. So this is my plea to all of you to take a stand. Stand up and Speak up for what is right. Burning people to death because they are different, condemning those who believe different than you, these are examples of what is wrong that we must change. Spread the word, send a letter, light a candle, do what is right!

Never again The Burning Times!!   

Follow this link (Pagan Rights Alliance) download and send the letter!!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Burning Times Continue

While I fully claim my "Witchiness" there are still many who are falsely accused and being murdered for being Witches. Yesterday began 30 days of Advocacy against Witch-hunts (yes I'm a day late starting), you can find more info at http://www.paganrightsalliance.org/30_days.html. No matter what your religious views or beliefs are this is something we all need to get behind and stop.
As I say, I am one who claims the title as Witch. I do this for many reasons, one of those is to help dispel misconceptions about what a witch is. Sadly, many of those being accused and burned are labeled "witch" because they are ill, old, disabled, or outspoken. Please research, educate yourself and others, send the letter (as I did),light a candle and lets work to help those in unbelievable need!!

You can also read about this campaign on the following blogs:
confessions of a pagan soccer mom
witch of stitches
lilac wolf and stuff

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

...and we call it Sea Monkey

Been talking lots about sea monkeys on Facebook.......here's why ...

Jan 7, 2011
So I had my SCS trial on Dec 21st in which the doc used an x-ray and inserted a wire lead into my spinal column. This was a trial to see if the device would help with pain management. It did not. I had it removed a week later deciding not to go ahead with the permanent implant. Two days after the trial lead was inserted I was supposed to have started my menstrual cycle, the stress of the procedure did  not allow that to happen. I also gained 15 fucking pounds during that damn trial (water weight). So today about a week after the lead was removed and two weeks after my period was supposed to start I was still waiting. So I was trying to come up with ways to speed things along. One way that usually worked to get things going when I am late is to take a pregnancy test. Don’t ask why, I don’t know. I think it has to do with the relaxing of my body when I find out I’m not pg. So I grabbed the test peed on the stick and set it on the sink to wait the required amount of time (a whole 2 min). I happened to glance back over there before the time was up and…..huh?.......totally a positive test. Once I stopped staring at the test I got worried about the procedure a few weeks earlier. By my phones calculations (yes, there is an app for that) I was 2 weeks preggers at the time of the xrays. This totally freaked my ass out. After  talking to Greg and going to the clinic to confirm the pg and talking with them, I ended up speaking with a number of docs about the risks of the x-rays. Final analysis is that as early along I was, and the amount of radiation, if anything were to have harmed the baby, I would have miscarried. So in all likihood the baby is fine.
So there you have it, I have a bun in the coven and we are due on 9/10/11. We are calling the baby Sea Monkey for now :-)

Jan 10th, 2011
So now SM already has more brain cells than Paris Hilton!!
I am  in Week 5 of my pregnancy
My Second Trimester will begin 3/12/2011
And My Third Trimester will begin 6/11/2011
37 days down, 243 to go!
Fun Due Date Facts
  • Zodiac Sign: Virgo
  • Half Birthday: March 10
  • Birthstone: Sapphire
  • Birth Flower: Aster or Morning_Glory
  • Your baby will be born in the Chinese Year of The White Metal Rabbit
  • This time next year your baby will be 17 Weeks Old!
  • Your baby will start kindergarten in 2017, be old enough to drive a car in 2027, finish high school in 2030, and will graduate from college with the class of 2034, give or take a year. Fuck Now I really feel old!!!

Feb 15th
So today I am 10 weeks and 3 days. Been super super sick!!! Mostly I just sleep and puke now. We had the ultra sound last week to make sure Sea Monkey is ok because of the medical procedure at the beginning. Everything looks great – heart beat is good, all bits and pieces where they are supposed to be. The kids have known for about a week now and we decided that since Sea Monkey is doing well and because of how sick I have been it is easier to go ahead and spill the beans. I am hoping to start feeling better in a couple of weeks so I can rejoin the world.

 We think Sea Monkey looks like a Ninja!!! LOL

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

How about a nice cup of Shut the F*ck up?

So I've been spending a lot of time at my kids basketball games, at least 4 games a week. I love watching my kids play but I some of these parents really need some Valium. These kids are playing sports in elementary school people! Calm the Fuck down!!! If you are one of these parents who are so emotional about the games and push your kids to the limit I think we should talk.

OK, first of all the likelihood of your kid making it into the pros is slim to none! Even the odds of getting a scholarship is pretty low. You are ruining the games and fun for your kids, my kids and those of us watching that are rational.

Second of all, I LIKE it when the 4th graders run the ball to the wrong hoop! They have so much enthusiasm and are trying so hard, they will get the fundamentals of the game later so stop worrying!

I keep seeing these poor kids on the court and when they make a mistake they look out into the crowd to see how much trouble they are in from their parents......Seriously!?!? Then there are those of you who go out and "have a chat" with the refs (who are high school kids). Really!?! I see some going to the coaches and kids during half-time giving "pointers", if you are not a coach shut the fuck up!

We don't even keep score, who cares! Now I sure as hell don't want to get to the point where we can't cheer our kids on........so please remain calm and seated during the games.

These kids need to have fun and enjoy themselves, this is not the time for you to prove how athletic and skilled your kids are. This is not the time to relive your past! Grow up and let the kids be kids!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I want to be a Village Person!

No.... not that kind of Village person...

I believe we are all born with an innate need to be part of a community. We know that humans are social creatures and most people would state that they were part of a community, but I think the community we all crave is becoming extinct. Most often people are social when it is time to go out but when it comes to lifestyle and families things have changed. We have lost the ability to be neighborly and kind. With the exception of a death in the family, and sometimes a birth of a baby, people do not help each other out the way they used to.

There is a silent need for people to be more considerate and friendly. I crave dinner parties and mornings drinking coffee with friends. I want family friends who will bring their kids over and we just hang out while kids play, or bbq, or drink wine.
I want a community where people just show up and help out and I can do the same.

Somewhere where everyone jumps in and helps with kids.

Somewhere where there is a genuine interest in what it going on with each other.

Somewhere where there is acceptance, reciprocity and trust.

Somewhere over the rainbow...(seeing who is paying attention)

Why do we think we must have everything in common with those around us to have these ideals? A person should be able to move into a community and be welcomed with open arms. I should not have to seek out an intentional community (they cost a fortune to get into) in order to have what our ancestral memories want us to have. I'm not saying that we should love all of our neighbors, and that our village can only be on our block. I just think it would be nice to have community of people around me and my family that we could consider our family... our tribe..... yeah a Tribe!! Our Clan needs a tribe! A tribe of people who will protect each other and always be there for each other.

We all need friends (tribe mates) in this world that will be with us forever.

The Eternal Friendship symbol......My next tattoo =D

The Collins Family Crest

The Shield Celtic knot is a symbol for protection. The ancient Celts used it to decorate the shields of warriors, the clothing of children, and to protect the sick.

Sadly, I seemed to have landed myself in a a town that......well, it's as if Walmart exploded and the "People of Walmart" (http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?page_id=9804) have taken over!

So for now I will enjoy my "People of Walmart" town and hope I find a better community when we move, as well as build new and existing friendships into a Village Tribe!!!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Resistance achieved....... I will not be assimilated

For the past 6 days I have wondered about with a remote control. This device (a spinal cord stimulator) is attached to a wire that goes into a small hole in my back and up my spine, resting near my spinal cord. It is supposed to be a pain management device, but "overloading" the nerves with sensations thereby reducing the pain felt......so not working. Mostly while still having chronic pain now I also have a strange vibrating feeling throughout my whole leg. Plus, have not been allowed to shower for 6 days...eww. And now even when I dont have my device turned on I am feeling weird sensations in my legs.

I go to the doc tomorrow morning to let him know how the trial of this device worked and if I want the permanent one implanted internally. My decision will be nope, I will not become Borg.

This trial has not been a complete waste however. As I tried all the different settings and ideas I could think of to make this work and it didn't I thought I would have become upset. But a strange thing happened, I found peace with my disorder. A number of thoughts ran through my head during this process, one of them being how unnatural this whole thing felt. I can't really explain it....just didn't feel right. That got me thinking......
I have been running from my pain and trying to find a way to get rid of it for 4 years......this week I really and truly accepted my pain. It is no longer a separate entity that I need to rid my body of. It IS me. A part of me. If I am to truly and wholly love myself I must love all parts of myself including my flaws, my pain being one of those flaws. I need to work with my pain instead of against it.

Before a great vision can become reality there may be difficulty. Before a person begins a great endeavor, they may encounter chaos. As a new plant breaks the ground with great difficulty, foreshadowing the huge tree, so must we sometimes push against difficulty in bringing forth our dreams. "Out of Chaos, Brilliant Stars are Born."

I am reborn.....not as a Borg as planned......but as the best thing I could come into this world as.....ME

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year Shadows

January 1st? That time of year when everyone admits to their own flaws, commits to changing them and by Groundhogs Day, all that is left of them are shadows.

But it IS tradition to create a list of things to accomplish for the year, so in between Mimosa's and Kahlua Coffee I have been hard at work writing my list.

This year...


  • I will give give Jack another chance (Mr. Daniels and I had a falling out after an incident involving a Klondike bar, duct tape, and feathers.) 

  • I will improve my vocabulary by leaning cuss words in different languages and incorporating new exciting proclamations such as "cunt off!" 

  • I will start exorcising more

  • If I see a UFO I won't tell anybody about it

  • I will stop preaching.....if people don't know by now that Bon Jovi is the ultimate God of Rock then they never will

As I add more coffee to my Kahlua and look over my list I realize I am unable to even remember the shadows of last years resolutions. But at least with this years list, I may be able to keep some of them... at least for a little while.